Cold Brass

by lost_at_sea
originally published at 07:02PM on Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Cold brass producing warm blast.
Scream to the world your message.
Vibrate and shake up the room.
A trumpet’s sound calls all to attention,
Draws every eye to the vibrance, the suspense.
Turns heads,
Diverts eyes,
Pierces eardrums.
A room is conquered,
By a trumpet.




  • from lost_at_sea:

    Please comment! I know this poem is definitely in its early stages, but I’d appreciate any advice and feedback! Thanks!

  • from someday_93:

    I like what this is saying…it gives great imagery, but perhaps get the lines to flow together a bit more? Like you said, in the early stages though!

  • from Mistress Elsha Hawk:

    At first, i thought the poem referred to a heater…cold producing a warm blast…This line gets your attention, is very strong, producing a tactile (heat) memory, but maybe it needs to come later, with a simpler, more visually descriptive line first. I don’t know. I liked it, I could really “see” the instrument, but not quite “feel” or “hear” it. Keep going!

  • from BetwINeen:

    I had to read it twice to really get it but the imigeray is great. The only thing i would fiddle with is the flow of the sentences…