The Night to Remember

by Hunting Beauty
originally published at 09:49PM on Sunday, October 21, 2007

One night, two girls about the age of 15 decided to go for a quick walk through the neighborhood. It was a dark night in October and the the moon was barely shining, and not a star was in the sky. Suddenly, a thick, spooky fog rolled in. It completely covered what could be seen of the moon. Abbie looked over at Alexia and asked, “Can you see anything? Because I can’t see where we are.”
“No, I can’t see a thing.” Alexia answered. “I didn’t expect this fog tonight. It didn’t mention it on the weather channel this morning.”
“I didn’t think it had. Hmm…I guess it’s one of those weather man mistakes or something.” Abbie said thoughtfully.
“Yeah, it must be.” Alexia said with a hopeful look on her face.
Suddenly, Alexia gasped.
“What’s wrong?” Abbie asked with a worried look.
“Look over there.” Alexia said as she pointed to their left.
As Abbie followed the direction that Alexia was pointing in, she saw some bushes. She saw big green eyes and heard a loud, strange noise. All she could do was freeze.




  • from uselessness:

    I like it! Very eerie. More specifics might be nice… how exactly is the fog “spooky?” And what is so “strange” about the noise? Try some metaphors, good descriptions always give an extra dimension to stories. :-)

  • from Hunting Beauty:

    k…thnx for the advice. I’ll try that next time.

  • from THX 0477:

    A neat scenario, to be sure. My niche is dialog, so that’s what I notice. Slang or a particular way of talking can go a long way towards establishing characters—just a thought for the future. Hope you keep writing!

  • from Hunting Beauty:

    Ok…thnx for the advice. I’ll try that as well.

  • from Lone Writer:

    I agree with uselessness.