Lies revealed

by User 5877
originally published at 07:09PM on Wednesday, October 24, 2007

A hand, broken and twisted. This is all I see when I look back to see what tripped me. Even now, it twitches with a sickening lifeless energy. Then I see it. The thin silver wedding band proclaiming this is all that remains of Willem. Willem, the coward. Willem, my brother.

The truth begins to dawn in my dazed mind.

Willem the coward. Willem, who ran away instead of fetching the water. That’s why Momma said I had to go. “Don’t worry” she said, “They don’t come out at night!”

No! It’s all a lie! He didn’t run away. He didn’t abandon us!

I reach out and caress the hand. This must be the hand that threw me to safety in the darkness! Sarah will be happy, at least he wasn’t a coward. Poor Willem…

No! It’s all a lie! They DO come out at night!

As the tears wash the mud from my face, I stumble toward the house clutching the skins in one hand and his hand in the other.

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Comments

  • from THX 0477:

    Whew, heavy and with some additional twists and turns.

  • from One Time, One Chance:

    i like the repeditiveness in this, makes the flow.. flow. if tht makes sense to anybody but me. =]

  • from FourSeven:

    eh, i dont agree. i think redundancy in so short a story is a waste. also, i feel like you ignored the ending to the previous installment and just went where you wanted with it. besides all that, though, this was good.

  • from Pisces Girl:

    Awesome! Great description!

  • from Tad Winslow:

    She trips over the mangled hand? - that struck me as funny and didn’t fit the serious/ scary mood - kinda lessened the creepy feel for me. But you rebounded with fantastic ability to tell the story. I think it’s great.

  • from User 6356:

    The hand seems like a really interesting piece—like, why it’s mangled and who Willem’s significant other. Nice use of repetition, and a great use of first-person. :)

  • from MRay:

    I’ll hand it to you, very creative. You put your finger on it, you touched the essence of the story, you nailed it.