Death of a Boring Callcentre Employee

by Ben Paddon
originally published at 10:31AM on Friday, November 23, 2007

“So I’m dead, then?”

Dave hadn’t been ready for this. He’d spent most of his life working in Customer Care for a Broadband supplier. When he wasn’t at work, he was at home buying rare playing cards on the web. This is how he’d spent his time, and now he was stood in front of God, he had to admit that he felt a pang of regret.

“Yep,” replied God.

“And you’re quite sure you’re God?”

“I was the last time I looked, yeah.”

“But,” and Dave tried to pluck the right words out of the air here so as not to offend the Almighty, “You’re only five foot tall. Your tee-shirt’s filthy. And you’ve clearly got bits of tissue stuck to your face where you’ve cut yourself shaving.”

“Nobody’s perfect,” grunted God. “Especially you lot. You ‘umans spent so much time tryin’ to make sure the afterlife is a good’n, you forget to live. Dun’t occur to you that might be it, does it?”

“So there’s… nothing?”


And as he began to fade away, Dave began to wonder exactly what an eternity of nothingness would feel like…


  • from SupRspi:

    Cute. I like your image of God and the retrospective look on the characters life – simplified like an outsider might see it.

  • from ♠Ana Cristina♥:

    This was funny. I kept picturing God as Danny Devito, only with an English accent.

  • from Fyora Cartagan:

    He reminded me of an Orc/k, personally.
    Very interesting though.