He awoke to discover that he was now a packet of dry roasted peanuts. And, understandably, he didn’t react well to this discovery.

He struggled to make out his location. Difficult, especially when you’re a packet of dry roasted peanuts and don’t actually have any eyes, but with some difficulty he was able to see where he was. He was on a shelf in his local corner shop.

He tried to collect his thoughts. Currently, his thoughts were located in a dry roasted peanut near the bottom of the bag, covered in crumbs. Naturally, there was a lot on his mind (mostly other peanuts) but he tried to focus on how he’d come to this very sad state.

A bell rang as the door open, and in walked a woman. A real stunner. His jaw would’ve dropped to the floor if he’d had one. But then he realised who she was. She’s the one who did this to him! She reached up to the shelf and, grinning ominously, plucked him from the shelf, then walked over to the counter in the store.

She was buying him. This didn’t bode well for his future.