5 Things I've Never Told Anyone

by back in your head
originally published at 04:33AM on Friday, December 21, 2007

1. I get insanely jealous of almost everyone I know. I think that they’re better than me and if I was them, life would be so much better.

2. I wish I didn’t look like myself. I wish I was thinner and prettier people would like me more, though I don’t think people really dislike me now exactly. But then maybe i wouldn’t feel so alone all the time. Maybe I’d feel like I was more deserving of others’ love.

3. I can’t cry or I rarely do. I have so much pain and hurt but it just never comes out. I wonder if something is wrong with me.

4. I hate it when people get upset over stupid things like not being able to go out or w/e. I feel like because I can be so strong over things that are 10 times worse then other people should too.

5. I wish people would see how much I’,m hurting. I cover it up with laughs and jokes but I wish someone would stop and ask if I’m really ok. And I wish that I felt connected to my friends and family. I guess I stopped trying so instead I crave being alone.

Sequels

Comments

  • from Saint Chuck:

    I know how 5 feels. ‘I’m fine” became my only response to the questions like “Are you okay?”.

  • from back in your head:

    yea. that seems to be the only response i have too. or I’m just tired.

  • from howhardlifeis:

    Hey you….Are you okay??
    Okay so now i know that when u laugh at my jokes..ur covering up”hurt”..Good to know!
    This doesn’t seem like you..so wanna tell me what’s up?

  • from back in your head:

    it doesn’t seem like me b/c i always cover it up. i dont like showing emotion, especially not to all those girls at school

  • from The Ghost in the Machine:

    I feel you on #3 and 5. I like to hang out w/ friends but being alone is some of the best time i can get. I havnt cried since I was 4 an got hit in the face with a baseball. I know how you feel
    LoA