Damien Gallant: Secret Agent Extraordinaire

by Ben Paddon
originally published at 12:01PM on Thursday, January 03, 2008

“Quickly!” said Damien Gallant, Secret Agent and habitual womanizer. “We must defuse the nuke before Vile has a chance to detonate it!”

Kala, his miniskirt-wearing assistant in an exceptionally low cut top, “But Damien! You’ll never get to the Launch Pad in time! It’s on the other side of the complex! There are Armed Guards! The Monorail is out! And you’ve lost your shoes!”

“Did anyone ever tell you that you’re beautiful when you fear for my life?”

After several minutes of passionate but excruciatingly boring kissing, they hopped onto a nearby Segway and, despite going only marginally faster than walking speed, made it to the Launch Pad in time without incident. Gallant entered the first five digits of the Cancellation Code, shared another incredibly dull kiss with Kala, and entered the last digit. But it wasn’t over.

“So!” said Vile, stepping out from the shadows and stroking a large chicken. “Again, we met at last!”

“It’s over, Vile,” said Gallant, exultantly. “Put the chicken down and come quietly.”




  • from flute faerie:

    Wha, a mix of action and romance and suspense all in one ficlet! I’m impressed!

  • from Eckhouse:

    Brilliant – what Austin Powers should have been.

  • from Russell Ruffino:

    I’m delighted to announce this as the best use of a Segway in a Ficlet.

    Well done.