Three Fifteen, Dwayne Gets A Call That Would Get Him In Trouble With His Probation Officer

by Howie Amourscow
originally published at 12:40PM on Monday, January 07, 2008 mature

“Who the fuck is calling at three a.m.? This better be fucking important!”


“Slow down! (Hang on baby.) What?”

“Merrpmrp merp mp meep mip meep!”

“No fuckin’ way! What kind of animal? (You might as well get dressed. Hey, we still got any of those microwave things?) I’m listenin’.”

“Meep erm mrp mepp erp meep—”

“(Yeah, those.) Waitasec. Whose teeth? (I don’t know, make a whole box.)”


“Naw, I’m listenin’. Wait… okay. Now, who—”

“Mrpm mrr mrip mep mrm. Mr mm eep mrp mrrmr.”

“So the guy with the teeth blew up the animal?”

“Mrp mrp meep mrp mrperp!”

“He blew up the whole fuckin’ lab!”


“The animal blew up the lab? What kinda animal?”


“Yeah, but what kind of animal—”

“Mrp! Mep mrp meep mrp mep meep mrp ep erp meep mrp eep mep! Mrp erp memeememe!”

“I can’t do that. My probation officer finds—”

“Mrperp mepp mrmpme!”

“Don’t! I won’t… Okay… come over, but come around the back. Hello? Hello? Shit.”




  • from Howie Amourscow:

    No, Dwayne’s not a muppet. Except he might be played by Eric Stoltz, who is a muppet….

  • from Hobo Beard Bob:

    I thought he was Dwayne Wayne from A Different World. Flip shades and all.

  • from BernerOberland:

    Animals always blowin up.

  • from THX 0477:

    I like it, bringing in more real people to the muppet madness. Cause in every movie you have to have cameo appearances and roles for real people, like Mandy Patinkin as a selfish horder of everything to Charles Grodin as someone mental enough to be in love with Miss Piggy.

  • from Kermitgorf:

    The mayhem of this series is hysterically funny, the real people adds an eliment of reality. LoA

  • from Jenunique:

    This has got to be one of the longest, if not the longest series in Ficlet history. Love love loooooooove it.