I followed his directions to what was now my new “department”. Down the hall, turn right at the first junction, and it’s the fourty-second door on the left – “Luck Distribution Dept.” Lovely. I knocked on the door. No answer. Slowly, I opened the door and poked my head in.

The room was bathed in an ethereal blue glow, which I later discovered was less due to the mystical nature of the job and more to do with a dodgy wire in the lighting.

It was a fairly sizable room. The centerpiece of the room was the table. It was oval-shaped, about four meters wide, and upon it was an incredibly detailed model of… well, Everything. It’s very difficult to describe a scale model of Everything, but looking at it makes you feel very insignificant and, for some reason, slightly drunk. There was a whiteboard behind it, on which various names and places were written.

I saw my desk up against a wall. It had a name plaque and everything. Then I saw the uniform on a hanger. Suffice to say, it was green.

I wasn’t impressed.