Ficlets

Ressurec-Ted

Vancouver, BC – Superhero Ressurec-Ted (aka Ted Wilson) has died. Again.

He was found floating, face down, in a bathtub filled with Mountain Dew early Saturday morning. Police do not suspect foul play, but believe it was yet another successful suicide attempt. Police will have more information when he recovers some time late Tuesday afternoon.

Ressurec-Ted came into the public eye in the early 1700’s as one of the world’s first superheroes. During the course of his career fighting crime, he has been shot, stabbed, hanged, burned at the stake, drawn and quartered, crucified, blown up, thrown into a volcano, run through a woodchipper, and, now, drowned. Some psychologists suggest his unnaturally long life is the root of his severe clinical depression, having been married to the same woman, Drew the Shrew, for the last 250 years.

Ted is survived by his wife, son Darren, and 157 grandchildren. Funeral services will be held Thursday. Ted will read the eulogy.

View this story's 11 comments.