Two sizes too small

by JMBauhaus
originally published at 05:31PM on Monday, April 14, 2008

“What the hell is that?”

It was all she could do not to drop the thing in her hands, it wriggled so much. Unfathomably, the look on her face was pure delight. “My new puppy. Isn’t she adorable?” Her voice was one octave short of a squeal.

That is not a dog. To call it a dog is an insult to dogkind.”

“Not a dog yet.” She held it close and let it lick her face. I almost dry heaved. “Granted, she won’t get much bigger. Chihuahuas stay pretty teeny.”

A chihuahua. Great. Cheese on crackers, I hated tiny dogs. Anything smaller than a beagle was a waste of space and fur. And this abomination would fit in my shirt pocket.

“Here, hold her.” She thrust it at my face. I just stood there. It looked like it belonged in a rat trap.

Except, rats didn’t wag their tales, nor become so happy at the sight of you that their entire bodies wiggled. A strange sensation warmed my chest. I didn’t like where this was going.

She sneezed. Aw, shit. That was cute.

“Put her in my pocket,” I sighed.

She was a perfect fit.




  • from Mistress Elsha Hawk:

    Awww-some. Puppies are irresistible! Even tiny rat-like ones. I love the tone of this! And the title….is it perhaps referring to a cold-hearted green fellow from Who-ville?? A metaphor for his heart and the tiny puppy. Hmm?

  • from JMBauhaus:

    Thanks! And yes, on the nose. She melted his tiny little grinchy heart.

  • from THX 0477:

    You got me laughing on that one, and I don’t even like dogs in general. I love the reluctant affection for the rat-dog and the whole acquiescence to turn the jibe to the gesture that the dog can fit in a pocket.