Wicked Cycle

by black dog 724
originally published at 10:05PM on Wednesday, April 23, 2008

always giving
never taking
never asking for help
afraid to open up
afraid to speak
afraid of people
afraid to be let down, to put my hopes into someone and trust them completely, to give them my heart, to give them…me
it happened before, no, not the same, but with my father, i trusted him, again and again, and each time he let me down, told me to die
i vowed i wouldnt trust another person like that again, never give myself to them, body mind and soul, never let someone hurt me again
then i met you, and i did what i swore to never do again,
i trusted
i asked for help
i opened up i talked to you, when i was afraid to talk to her
you were the one person i was happy around, ididnt mind being with other people anymore
its this perpetual prank that i keep playing on myself
i trusted you, and you crushed me, once
i said never again
then i did it a second time
and i was crushed again
but what really scares me
is my willingness to do it again
and the sadness that you wont let me