The Beginning of the End(Out of Order Challenge)

by Six Feet Under The Stars
originally published at 03:54PM on Sunday, May 25, 2008

Since Alli had met Alex,everything had changed.The only way she could think of to describe it was love at first sight.It went that deep,that quickly.

And then,last night,backstage,it had happened.He looked her in the eyes,gave her the most perfect kiss she’d ever had,and walked on.They spent that night together,talking about everything.It was the most perfect night she’d ever had.

The next morning,they walked down to breakfast hand in hand.They were greeted by an unhappy looking Marcus.”Ah, young love,”he said,”how beautiful.I saw this coming from the start.But I won’t have you destroying the band I created. Alex,it’s time for you to go.”

Alli begged with him,but Marcus just stood silently,refusing to look at her.Finally,Alex turned to her.”Look….last night was amazing,”he said,looking away.”But he’s right…the band comes first.I promise I’ll never forget you or this.But I need to leave. Just…forget about me.Be happy.”

And that’s when she started running,checking for the pills in her pocket.




  • from ♠Ana Cristina♥:

    I think there’s some spacing issues in between phrases you have separated here with commas. Perhaps you were lacking the character space. I recommend removing an ellipsis or two (or maybe remove one of the periods per ellipsis) to help you with that.
    Otherwise, this was a great entry. Very natural dialogue and good pacing throughout.

  • from Stovohobo:

    I like the overall story. Short but bittersweet, with an interesting premise.