Boy of my dreams

by Smile4life!
originally published at 04:56PM on Saturday, June 07, 2008

“Does this smell good to you?? asked my best friend Carmen. I thought it smelt terrible. “Uh, yea, its great for the prom?. We were going shopping for our prom and had already picked out our dresses. “Why dont we go to the food court and get a bite to eat?? We were at the mall, on a saturday afternoon. Yea Sabbs, get us a table while i buy this perfume. I smiled and turned away then cringled my nose. My name was Sabrina, (Sabbs for short) and i am 18. I am going to my prom a boy named Kevin. I really liked him and he liked me. Blond hair and blue eyes, what more could you want? I found a table and bought tacobell for Carmen and I. When she came back we spent our time talking about how excited we were for prom. I went to go throw out our food and I saw a cute boy at a table. Usally I dont like brown-haired green-eyed boys but this boy was pretty cute. Cuter then Kevin. “Hey? he said. SuddenlyI knew who he was and I stopped dead in my tracks. I hadn’t seen him in 5 years.

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Comments

  • from penguincaptain18:

    Oh past love interest perhaps? 5 years ago, 18 now that means she was 13 when she last saw him. Perhaps her first love? Very interesting. You have a couple of grammatical errors that make reading it a bit diificult (especially towards the middle). You might also like to try breaking the one giant paragraph into smaller ones. Its easier to read. Besides that you’ve got an interesting story you’ve started here, Good job.

  • from Six Feet Under The Stars:

    the idea’s cool, but the writing seems kind of underdeveloped. add some more description, and try to be more consisent. like for the whole “yea sabbs” shouldn’t that be in quotes. and also, try to fix more of the grammatical errors and break up the paragraph