Moving On

by Hunting Beauty
originally published at 11:02AM on Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The two of them sit there for what seems like an eternity. Ally stops crying and just sits there hugging John. “Ally, we have to move on. If we don’t keep moving they’ll find us.”

Ally nods. “Alright.”

“Can you stand up?”

“I think so.” Ally slowly starts to stand up and she dries her tear soaked eyes. “Alright, let’s go.”

The two of them get back in the car and drive off. “John, I want to forget. I want to forget everything that happened, everything that I saw.”

“So do I, Ally. Maybe if we go somewhere over seas they won’t be able to follow us. We could start all over again. A new life with no worries.”

“That sounds good to me, John, but how are we going to afford it? We hardly have any money.”

“I don’t know, but we’ll figure something out.” After a while John stops for gas. “Stay in the car ok? It’ll only take me a moment.”

“Okay. Hurry though.”

John gets out and starts filling up, but suddenly he freezes. There is someone there that he knows; somone he doesn’t wish to meet again.




  • from THX 0477:

    Slipped from present to past tense there. Keeping everything in the present is definitely difficult to do, especially over an extended series. Lovely how they sort of pull it together, figure out half of a plan, but then we get a teaser/suspenseful ‘uh-oh’ at the end.

  • from John Perkins:

    I was going to say the same thing as THX , only with more spelling and grammar mistakes. It’s very jarring when you move from present to past tense and back again. This is a very difficult thing to deal with, especially (as THX points out) when writing in present tense. All of your memories are in past tense; we tend to think in past tense more often than present.
    I think you get that straightened out and you’ll have a really nice piece here. I do like your dialog though. Feels natural.

  • from Hunting Beauty:

    I saw what you guys were talking about and I cleaned it up a bit. I hope I smoothed it out enough.

  • from John Perkins:

    Works much better now.

  • from Colorguardx0o:

    wow this is a great story!! i love it! whats going to happen!!??