Heaven Without Hamburgers(An Epic Challenge)

by Mighty-Joe Young
originally published at 08:58PM on Friday, June 27, 2008

Oh why, i must ask did i argue so well?
I mean all my friends were already in hell
my accountant, fellow lawyers, even ally McBeal
Yeah Right“I told St Peter i demand an appeal
these zombies in white with their worshipful song
I need a Newport, a Miller, and a leopard print thong.
They have no TV, no Internet, no XBOX , NO BOOKS
no fights, no horns, not even, dirty looks
Hell has to be better cause everyone’s there
Cept these prudes with no makeup and their crystal Gail hair
The manna taste like prunes that have already been eaten
I see why Satan rebelled in hopes of getting beatin.
Everything i tried, to get me kicked out of here
like stabbing old Gabriel and cuttin off his ear
or grabbing a cherub for a quick shot of leg
left me still forgiven, cigarette-less and undead
At night when the square dancing finally slows down
If i listen real hard with my ear to the ground
I can hear the theme from Cheers and group fornication
I could be in hell livin’ good, but i chose litigation.




  • from g2 (la pianista irlandesa):

    Nice one… Thanks for entering

  • from John Perkins:

    This was quite funny. Though litigators would definitely be the first ones down there, if it weren’t completely imaginary that is.

  • from Mighty-Joe Young:

    I agree with that because when the number one money holding organization in the world(made the money off selling hell insurance) says it aint real it just aint real. maybe that is my jewish logic but it works for me.

  • from Ridcully Calvert:

    Hehe, that was great. Very Poe-like, somehow I can hear him squawking “Nervermore” from downstairs


  • from John Perkins:

    I didn’t know the Catholic Church has denounced the existence of Hell. Maybe they know that if it does exist their current Nazi, anti-Semite leader will be headed there. It’s in his best interest to deny its existence I suppose. Well that and the fact that they harbor child rapists, and try to shield them from the law by hiding behind their religion.
    I’d think they spent most of their spare time praying that there isn’t a hell.

  • from Mighty-Joe Young:

    yeah pope jonh paul said there is no fire and brimstone that hell is a place when you find yourself seperated from the grace of god. yeah i am a great grandson of holocost survivors so i know about the agenda. lol

  • from More Ways Than One:

    LOL hehe i love this!

  • from chakatreatmentson!(LoA):

    it’s like the day after doctor seuss acid wore off he got real drunk and took a bunch of pain pills- he’d totally write this