How Not To Be A Footnote

by Phil
originally published at 05:36AM on Thursday, March 15, 2007 mature

“I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“My name isn’t Dave. And you’re not a computer. Now let me back in.”

“Sorry, but you’ll only be going out the other end.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because you were stupid enough to go into an airlock with just a bucket and a mop.”

“I trusted you.”

“Idiot. We’re in space. There’s no trust in space. There’s no police. There’s no government. It’s a purely Hobbesian situation.”

“Look, you have to go back to Earth sometime. You’ll go to jail.”

“Maybe. There’s never been a murder in space. There’s no precedent. The trial could take ages.”

“That’s why you want to do it, right? To be the first?”

“Of course. People always remember firsts. Better planes came later, but we still remember the Wrights. It’s the only immortality.”

“Well, since it’s just the two of us up here, I guess you’ll have to be disappointed.”


He took the mop and broke it. Taking the short, sharp end, he pointed it at his jugular.

“Say hello to the first suicide in space, fucker.”




  • from HokieGeek_old:

    That last line wrung and involuntary LOL out of me. My compliments.

  • from Kamalani:

    Oh man, that was awesome.

    Laughing out loud in the computer lab during an exam was a bad idea, but it could not be helped.

  • from rejoicingapathy:

    That was excellent. I like the dialogue grasping at logic in what is clearly an illogical conversation.

  • from Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars:

    You, sir, are the king of the closing line.

  • from mxcl:

    Great concepts, gave me food for thought :)

  • from Cathal Garvey:

    I like that punchline!

  • from midaregami:

    This rocks :)