You know, most fairy tales start off with “once upon a time,” and end with “happily ever after.”

The latter never applied to my life.

Ever.

Sure…I grew up trained to be the perfect princess; the advisers were singing my praises.

“Well versed in four different tongues,” and “a talent with music.”

Yeah, sure I was all those.

But what am I underneath?

Mrs. Charming? No, I don’t think so.

Because, first of all, Prince Charming never ditched his princess in the fairy tales. He didn’t run off with the first blond to cross his path.

Unfortunately, mine did just that.

In the fairy tales, the princess was locked up because she had a horrible curse.

Well, my curse wasn’t really a curse. It was more like an addition – which makes it good.

In the fairy tales, the King and the Queen are loath to leave their daughter in charge of a ferocious beast such as the dragon.

Wrong on both accounts – my parents threw me in here for financial reasons, and there’s no carnivorous dragon.

So much for happiness.