by Apple
originally published at 11:48PM on Sunday, September 21, 2008

As she lies there she wishes. She wishes that she had the courage to let it all go. All the old feelings, all the bitterness, the pain, the loneliness. The empty, numbness. That’s the worst. For the longest time, she had felt nothing but anger. Then, one day, she felt complete, utter, happiness and peace. Then, she felt nothing. She had been making such progress! She had friends. Friends who actually cared for her, but she still couldn’t help but feel left out. Like she didn’t belong. She’d feel like she really had good friends like any other normal girl, but then she’d look at how her friends interacted and see the difference. How all of her relationships seemed so shallow. Even her friend who had met the rest of her friends at the same time as her, who hadn’t even been that well liked in middle school, who always complained about how nobody ever included her had it! That, connection. That ability to fit in and be at ease with each other.