“There’s more,” I said. “Madison had a bunch of writers do a history for his country, giving starring roles to his drinking buddies, like Jim Adams and his friend Jeff’s son, Tommy. Confusion about the newly revised history was one of the reasons for our Civil War in 1861, along with slavery, tariffs, and a debate over who was going to pick up the check for a cheese pizza Roger Taney ordered. Everything you were taught about American history in school is a complete lie, a cover-up.”

Seth looked at me like I was nuts. I felt sorry for him.

“Ever since, the Canadians have wanted revenge. So, they’ve been building a fleet of dropships and breeding a race of super-soldiers who are slightly more assertive than normal Canadians. But we Delawarians have our own secret weapon: a psychic super-ferret who can track Canadian movements with a specially-designed stress-ball.”

“Tell him he’s insa-” Seth started to say to my secretary, when he noticed she was assembling a grenade launcher.

“No, he’s not,” she said.