The Last Word on Onions

by busterfang
originally published at 06:57PM on Sunday, August 19, 2007

Noelle could not believe that Jason actually had rules about onions. Actually Jason had rules about everything, but having rules about onions just about said it all.

Onions needed to be thick sliced for hamburgers unless they were strong onions; then they needed to be sauted. For hot dogs, onions should be diced. In salads only use green onions and never put onions in sloppy joes. If Noelle was making onion soup she needed to first slice the onions and then cut them into quarters so that they would fit in a spoon nicely and not hang over the edge.

One day Noelle’s mom came to dinner and sliced regular yellow onions into the salad she was helping Noelle make for dinner. Noelle didn’t know what would be worse, picking the onions out of the salad and having to listen to her mom berate her or serving the salad and possibly having Jason fling the salad, bowl and all, onto the floor screaming at her that she broke the rules.

When Noelle finally left Jason her note stated, “It all started with the onions.”

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