The Toaster Adventures, Part I

by Scalzi
originally published at 12:46PM on Monday, March 12, 2007

“You need to check the toaster,” my wife said. “It’s burning toast again.”

“This is what happens when when you set the toaster level to ‘burn,’” I said.

“Very funny,” she said. “But it’s burning the toast on the level where it’s just supposed to dry it out. If I put it to the ‘dark’ level the house would probably burn down.”

“Get a new toaster when you go out shopping,” I said.

“That’s a waste,” she said. “It’s probably fixable. I don’t want to just another idiotic consumer.”

“I like consuming,” I said.

She came over an patted my belly. “This I know,” she said. “Try to fix it, okay? If you can’t, I’ll get a new one.”

“Fair enough,” I said.

Ten minutes later it was me, the toaster and a screwdriver. And the floor. Because, see, I forgot something fairly important: When working on kitchen appliances, it helps to unplug them first.

While I was waiting for my wife to return and mock me, the strangest thing happened…


  • from Scalzi:

    What was the strangest thing, which was apparently happening next? Well, see. This is where you come in. Write a sequel to this post and tell us what happens next!

  • from Norm McCray:

    Thanks, this story got me wanting to participate in Ficlets!

  • from JS.10:

    Another great one. Love the use of dialogue

  • from Karen of Mavarin:

    Heh, heh, heh.

  • from Rachel Swirsky:

    I would write a continuation of this, but all the good toaster jokes were used up by Red Dwarf.

    I say, would you like a toasted muffin?

  • from VictoriaC:

    Awww. Sweet.

  • from Lori Vaughn:

    This is too much fun and it would be a shame to “stop the chain” on this one! I for one am dying to see where this goes!

  • from [pens&feathers]:

    I love this! It sounds like something that would happen to me.

  • from Jenunique:

    I loved this! I can picture it so clearly. Either me and my husband, or my Mom and Dad! Great work!