The prince knew his fairy tales, of course. All that he had to do now was gallop gallanty throughout the land, pretending he actually cared, and have every woman in the kingdom try on the stinking shoe. They would flock to him at the sight of him atop his mighty steed, the donkey, his limp, greasy hair thrown out behind him.

Little did he know the ugliest, poorest wench of them all was the one to whom the shoe belonged.

So he was galloping- okay, plodding, really- down the road on his obese donkey, when suddenly, the fat animal’s hoof caught on a branch, and-