1. My mum let me change my name when I was five because she thought that children should be able to choose what they’re going to be called for the rest of their lives. Therefore, I introduce myself as Lola.

2. I’m nearly 20 years old and I still don’t have my driver’s licensce. I’m getting quite tired of the “I’m helping reduce fuel emissions” excuse.

3. My favourite song is “These Days” by Nico. The first time I heard it, I was seven and I nearly pleasuregasmed. It still inspires me to do the most isane of insane things.

4. When I was growing up my grandmum raised me, although, she was very senile and thought that it was 1973, therefore, I thought I was living in the seventies until I was eight years old. I was quite shocked to learn that I had suddenly missed a few decades and subsequently I still get confused about time.

5. I keep having this dream where I’m in a pool wearing this atrocious green Versace gown that makes escaping my watery entrapment very difficult. I still don’t understand.