The descriptions are good. The flow could be better, particularly combining sentences that should be one. In the process I think you’ll find that the descriptions will work better with your voice and certain unnecessary words will unclutter. There are some great lines here like the mustering of a blink line and the description of her pale face and gray eyes.
What I mean by sentences that should be one is this: If you took the sentences, “Her eyes wandered aimlessly landing on the nearest thing in sight. Her face was pale and her eyes were a dusty gray.” Notice that in these back to back sentences you use the word eyes twice. But they are the same eyes. why not kill two birds with one stone, for example.
Her gray, dusty eyes wandered aimlessly landing on the nearest thing in sight.
I hope I’m being helpful and not coming off as a know it all.
White Hat
Tad Winslow
Tad Winslow
Tad Winslow