“I’m going to let you in on a secret,” said Dave, sipping his tea. “Movies lie.”

Jeff’s face dropped. “They do?”

“Oh yes. All the time,” he smiled. “Films paint this idealised image of love. All picnics in the park, romantic dinners for two, nights out at the theater and so on…”

“The theater?” said Jeff, frowning.

“There’s always a theater in love films,” said Dave. “You get the couple in their best clothes, out watching an opera no one’s ever heard of and that no one understands. They’re sat near an elderly woman holding a ridiculously small pair of binoculars on a stick. And it either ends with the couple kissing on their way out, or they get called away to some big emergency.”

“I’ve never even seen a theater, much less been inside one.”

“Exactly. because you see, what happens in movies has bugger-all to do with real life.”

“I feel like I’m really losing something here,” said Jeff. “What about ballads? Love still lifts us up where we belong, doesn’t it?”

“No,” said Dave. “it really doesn’t.”