Hmm, not quite as strong as the preceding piece. Seems like you tried to get too much into one ficlet maybe. Got a little hard to track who was saying what was the main problem, I think.
LoA

well I tried to keep it in a Detective, Lady, Lady pattern…. the two women kinda finish each other’s sentences. I made a few changes, but I’m not sure they really helped. :)

Not sure if it was the spacing, or just your comment explaining what pattern you were going for, but it did seem to help a little bit.

i shouldnt of said that huh? love it

i shouldnt of said that huh? love it

i shouldnt of said that huh? love it