so much guilt, guilt for loving you, while i was in love with her
guilt for loving her while i was in love with you
guilt for trying to take you away
guilt for not being able to save you
so much pain
she left me behind, without a second thought
you did the same
and somehow its still my fault, when i only wanted to help, and make both of you happy, with every god forsaken scrap of my being
do i mean nothing to everybody? does what and how i feel matter at all? to anyone?
clearly it does not, i was only used as an escape for a short time, something to be discarded when my use was fullfilled, sorry that i fucked that up too
i keep wanting to tell myself that everything is going to work out, that eventually something is going to go my way for once, that someday someone will want to be with me, that someone will love me
im just a fuckup, a thing that people judge themselves against to make them feel better
im tired of trying to prove otherwise, of hoping that im something more
time to just accept it