Hmm, nice aliteration, though it was a stretch at the end! I like the richness of a chocolate covered cherry McFlurry,too. Maybe it’s the length of that sentence that gets to me. Anyway, your dialogue is great, but if my limo man started making jokes and I was a rich snot, well I’d have a look on my face. You didn’t mention a look. You should. :) And he didn’t stop with the bad first joke either! he kept going! He didn’t even take the hint about not smoking. He just went sour.
Mistress Elsha Hawk