A prophet’s job is never done, you see. From converting the faithless, healing the sick and preaching, to committing sins of my very own, my days are quite busy.

Committing sin? I hear you gasp. Well, of course. What use is being the head of a religious cult if you can’t have some fun with it? I am in awe of Hubbard and his Thetans, and hope to emulate his success in my own way.

Of course my little enclave in the desert, among the sheep farmers and cactus tenders, is not quite as glamorous as his Hollywood ways, but a being can dream, can’t it?

My normal daily routine consists of getting up at 5:00, ensuring that the enclave slaves are milking the cows already, before coming into the house, waking up my wives and instructing them to prepare the divinely inspired breakfast of the day.

We have a three hour worship orgy at 09:00 sharp, when the kids go to school, and follow that with an hour’s introspective communication. Lunch, the evening celebration and organising the slave rota rounds out my normal day.