Ficlets Challenge #11: The Cavalry Arrives

by Kevin Lawver
originally published at 02:18PM on Tuesday, September 18, 2007

We picked through the rubble of the destroyed Wal-Mart, finding no survivors, just melted clothes, electronics and household goods. Thankfully, it was early in the morning, and the seniors hadn’t shown up for the free coffee, and most of the employees had heard the commotion and ran for cover next door at Lowe’s.

“A mighty struggle here, there was.”

“What?”, I hadn’t noticed the small green guy with the cane, or his tall bearded friend.

“Son, you’ve served your country well, but in four score and twenty minutes, there’s going to be another round of whoop-ass, and I bet you’d rather be far, far away from here. Gather the laborers from the establishment next door, and beat a hasty retreat.”

“A tremor in the force I feel.” The little green guy with the bad hair scampered over the still-smoldering wreckage of low cost melted plastic. “Mr. President, alive this one still is!”

“Mr. President? Holy cow, man, you’re Lincoln!”

“Almost, son, almost. Now, collect your people and depart – battle is coming.”



  • from Kevin Lawver:

    I had to bring back Yoda and Lincoln from Best pairing in history. They’d make a great buddy cop movie… Lincoln and Yoda. I mean, it just sounds right.

  • from blueyedwonder:

    hahaha this is hilarious! nice job!!!

  • from THX 0477:

    Yoda and Lincoln? Well, of course, why wasn’t it doesn’t sooner? It works way better than the Taft/Chewbacca pairing I’ve been working on. Yeah, that one may not happen.

  • from m8ryx:

    your themes are so close to my heart my aorta is feeling claustrophobic

  • from Howie Amourscow:

    I look forward to seeing where Mask By The Moon takes it from here.
    I thought everyone knew the Yoda/Lincoln pairing was merely an attempt by RKO to cash in on the popularity of Warners’ McKinley/Darth Maul “road” movies.
    If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I recommend 1939’s Road To Tucumcari, in which a pre-Cat People Jane Randolph accidentally ends up on a boat with two hapless ex-vaudevillians (McKinley and Maul) on their way to New Mexico for a fresh start. Try to get the Criterion DVD .

  • from Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars:

    This was awesome. The characterizations of Yoda and Lincoln are brilliant. How long were you talking in Yoda voice after you finished this? (And I think it should be Ficlets Challenge #11, by the way.)

    Howie: I love Road to Tucumcari! Especially the hilarious bit at the end where Maul gets bisected! I saw it as a kid when the ‘rents and I vay-kayed on Bespin. That McKinley; underrated President, underrated comedic talent.

  • from Kevin Lawver:

    Oops, I updated the title.

    My favorite line from that movie was when McKinley had the cotton in his ears to keep the weevils out and shouted, “Tucumcari?! I thought you said ‘Two Come CARL ’!”

  • from Howie Amourscow:

    And let’s not forget that Maul’s rendition of “My Funny Valentine” (sung to Randolph during the gondola scene right before McKinley pops up and delivers the “Two Come CARL ” line) was the definitive version of that song until Ella Fitzgerald’s 1956 recording. As much as I love Sinatra and hate to say it, the Chairman’s version was just a pale retread of Maul’s interpretation: listen to them back to back if you don’t believe me.

  • from Kermitgorf:

    they comerical with Lincoln and a gopher, they should replace the gohper with Yoda.
    I was gonna write a ficlet abour Coolidge and R2D2 , but that would be dull.

  • from Kevin Lawver:

    I love that we’re doing sequels to comments now too..